cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
