I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
