I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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