i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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