Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize