I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
