he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
too bad you live with your parents still
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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