Who wears a wallet chain?!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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