C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
