I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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