Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
