Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
