he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
