First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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