was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
