Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
