D3 body, D1 cock
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
