So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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