so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
