I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
