I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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