want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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