My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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