i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
