Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
