my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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