I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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