You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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