i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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