her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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