It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
