Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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