Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
