Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
