She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
