I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
