What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
