You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
