1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
