afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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