I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
