He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
