You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My penis needs a shock collar
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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