what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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