god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
