The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
