Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
