Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
