I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
