i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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