I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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