I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
