I CAN MOONWALK!
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
