I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Holy shit dude........stairs
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
