Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
