hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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